On May 27, 2011, it will be fifteen years since my sister, Lisa, killed herself. I feel I am finally getting past it. Maybe it’s the blog, maybe it’s the time that has passed, maybe it’s because her suicide, at long last, is out in the open. I don’t know. What I do know now is that I suffered from Complicated Grief and I wish I would have known this before. But I guess you never can see when you’re mired in it.
I’ve noticed that I’m not as panicky and unable to breathe as I usually am this time of year. I give credit to baby Cedar. The worst day is usually the day before the anniversary, so May 26th, that I am I mess, then on the 27th, I’m fine. We’ll see what happens as the time draws closer.
Two things that currently bug me: Lisa isn’t here to see her niece and nephew and I will never have a new picture of her.
Okay so that’s it for now! Maybe I will finally get around to finishing The Dreaded Post, Part Two for the anniversary post.